No Children

I don’t actually feel this way about my marriage. I was going to post these lyrics in November, after my brother first introduced me to the song, and in the first flush of grief related to separating from my husband. But I’m glad I took a pause, because hopeful things transpiring since then are leading me to think that I may NOT be getting divorced after all; and even if I do, I feel pretty sure I can avoid falling into quite this much acrimony and bitterness. 

But because I find it darkly funny I’m posting it anyway. And I can certainly identify with the “No Children” part, and grateful for how that gives a certain freedom for grown-ass humans to figure out their relationship shit without affecting any innocent tiny humans.

As a friend told me, after listening to me talk about my marriage, “When we reach this age and people who’ve been married a long time separate, there’s often more pushing them away from each other than pulling them together but you guys seem to still have a lot pulling you back towards each other.” In other words, still a lot of love and affection and even compatiblity left, after sifting out all the other (conflicting) feelings and issues. 

So, with that hopeful note for my own situation, feel free to enjoy this song about a couple who probably will or did divorce! I’m sure they are much happier now, apart.

“No Children” ~ by The Mountain Goats

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us

I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town again

In my life, I hope I lie
And tell everyone you were a good wife
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
We're pretty sure they're all wrong

I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
And I hope you blink before I do
I hope I never get sober

And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die