Channeling Marilyn Monroe

This Vanity Fair article from 2010 resurfaced recently, for me:
http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/features/2010/11/marilyn-monroe-201011

And it reminds me all over again how this fellow Gemini of mine, tortured soul, amazing person never got her full due while she was still on this planet.  And how she remains this mystery we sometimes wonder about.  And somehow iconic.

The VF article has wonderful photos, many of which show Marilyn reading: "If some photographers thought it was funny to pose the world's most famously voluptuous 'dumb blonde' with a book - James Joyce!  Heinrich Heine! - it wasn't a joke to her.  In these newly discovered diary entries and poems, Marilyn reveals a young woman for whom writing and poetry were lifelines, the ways and means to discover who she was and to sort through her often tumultuous emotional life.  And books were a refuge and a companion for Marilyn during her bouts of insomnia."

As someone who has struggled with sleep herself, I can understand how awful insomnia can be.

The article goes on to describe "She was having trouble sleeping, relying on barbiturates.  On Parkside House stationary, she wrote one night after Miller had gone to bed:
on the screen of pitch blackness
comes/reappears the shapes of monsters
my most steadfast companions...
and the world is sleeping
oh peace I need you - even a 
peaceful monster."

This wonderful, beautiful, and misunderstood woman once wrote this poem about her third (and final), husband Arthur Miller:
my love sleeps beside me -
in the faint light - I see his manly jaw
give way - and the mouth of his
boyhood returns
with a softness softer
its sensitiveness trembling
in stillness
his eyes must have look out
wonderously from the cave of the little
boy - when the things he did not
    understand -
he forgot

but will he look like this when he is dead
oh unbearable fact inevitable
yet sooner would I rather his love die
than/or him?~ Marilyn Monroe

I have a poem somewhat like this, or at least part of it.  I already posted it here, but in a much different context ~
http://www.yousurecantalkbaby.blogspot.com/2009/07/and-i-dont-think-war-is-noble-and-i.html

It echoes what she wrote, at least in the first paragraph or two, but then turns darker like she did too.
There are places in each other
that we can never touch.

Lying next to him
among the white sheets
and plump pillow cases
where we love,
I place one hand
on the white skin
where the shirt achingly
pulls up
and look at him, little-boy-like
deep in his afternoon of sleep
face flushed and comforted
some sweet peach vision
taking shape beneath his eyelids.

There are moments with each other
that it seems we can never overcome.

Standing next to him
among clenched fists
and crossed arms on the balcony
where we battle,
I forget the sweetness
and see only ages of combat
and strange back streets
where dark things slink
around corners,
when the gorgeous
enormous language
we use, becomes booted
and repulsive -
wiping mud on the sheets
where elegant lust
turns to a brutish club.

These particular nights
and early morning hours
when the blood runs
there's a swift blade to
separate us - it hangs
in the balance of our
angry words and we
are both just begging
to have it be done.

These two sad goats
butting heads
and bleating at the sun
are nothing like
our puppy love
our licking and sniffing
and protecting each other,
when we can lay down
at each others' feet
with a big sigh
after another long day's run.

Relocating our Lives to Tampa: Going to "The Show"

As I started my new job on April 29th I had a phrase in my head that I shared only with David.

It was based on the fact that we were looking to relocate our lives to Tampa, because my new job was so promising, and the prospect of me making that 1+ hour commute (the + depending on traffic patterns and the all-too-frequent accidents), every day was simply untenable.

Given that Tampa is a MUCH bigger city and has a lot more going on than sleepy little Sarasota, my phrase was "We're going to The Show."  As in Tampa is the Major Leagues, whereas Sarasota is - undeniably - just the Minors.  Shades of "Bull Durham" (a great movie), which is where I think I first heard the phrase ~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va75XqWO6sY

We talked about down-sizing from 2 bedrooms to 1, but the lure of having a whole room I could make over as my own private yoga studio (D. still wants it as his office but we'll see), was too much.  So we have ourselves a great 2 BDR apartment just 3.8 miles (door-to-door) from my work.  I love it.

It's on a ridiculously busy street but set back from all the hecticness so that you can still feel like you are "home" and safe, can breathe.  Has a pool, like our last apartment, and much bigger nicer fitness room (which I hope to use someday).  And it's gated, which is new & strange, but we are getting used to that as well.

I seriously love my new job, and so the moving is worth it.  And, after MONTHS of job-hunting, David finally got something up here too.  He starts his new job on 7/29 and I can't wait - not only cuz he's about doubling his income and the increase will help with expense of having two apartments for almost two months + some expenses with house we still, regretfully, own "up north."

ALSO because he really needed to find something new, something that will challenge him in new ways.  My taking this job in Tampa spurred him on to find that next horizon and he can thank me later. :)

After all the horrible moving is done.  He says he'll really miss Sarasota, but I can't relate, because I so love Tampa.  I love everything about it, and even the traffic doesn't get me down, because I figure it's all part of the experience!  Check back with me in 6 months though.  

Moving is exhausting. But at least we were able to do it at a leisurely pace and without having to hire movers.  We took our final loads from our old to our new apartment tonight, and we are done!

Except for we have to figure out how to get the washer/dryer set I bought for $100 from a co-worker long ago (what a great deal that turned out to be!), out to the curb or otherwise disposed of, before our actual move-out date of 7/31.  When we will have to pay an "opt out" fee amounting to two months rent because of breaking our lease.  A LOT of money but still worth it!!!

Worth it, because "We're going to The Show" baby.