So yesterday, just days before my 50th birthday, I did this kinda.crazy.thing.
Crazier than running a 50k - my first ultra marathon - after only “training” up to a half marathon distance? Uh yeah, far crazier in fact.
Just before becoming a 50 year old & qualifying for AARP membership (yes, like a lot of others my age, they already snail-mail-nailed me, those bastards), I got glued into a teeny tiny sparkly turquoise bikini, wearing layers of spray tan and more makeup than I’ve ever had on in my life, and tottered on high high heels out on stage in front of judges under paralyzingly bright lights, where I tried to flex all my muscles at once while holding my arms in slightly unnatural positions and sucking in my stomach.
And remembering to smile.
And breathe.
It’s not like I didn’t prepare. In fact, I’d been working on this other turning-50 fitness goal for well over a year, and intensively since January.
It’s just that nothing can really prepare you, in my opinion, for the actual experience of being in a body building/figure competition.
And it was WAY harder than anything I’ve ever done before. Truthfully, I did not feel very confident, I did not feel that any of it came naturally, I did not feel I was particularly good at it. And in fact, I came in dead last in the two “classes” I entered: bikini masters 40+ and open bikini “tall”
But the “win” for me is that I did it at all, when I wanted to quit so many times since it started to get more & more real and the things I had to do to be successful became harder and harder - including drinking 2 gallons of water a day, doing 2 hours of cardio and 45 mins of abs per day + weight lifting sessions, which required many mornings where my alarm went off at 5am. Not to mention the super-restricted eating during that final “cutting” phase, which in all honesty was its own kind of special hell.
After driving to the show hotel in Orlando (itself a physical and mental challenge, every time), and spending Friday night, the day of the show itself was a lot of prep - starting with 4am wake up call for hair & makeup. I was permitted only 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter and 1/2 protein shake for breakfast, no coffee not even black because of the dreaded bloating it causes, who knew? And then the rest of the day consisted of a lot of waiting around backstage while other “classes” of both male and female athletes, got their chance on stage; just hours back there in the “prep” area, stewing in all that spray tan and a toxic emotional brew of boredom and dread.
They call us “athletes” but I have never felt more like a beauty queen. Minus the tiara since only the winners got those, and all I got was my weak “participation” medals. 🤣
Being a beauty queen was sort of fun for a day I guess, but I can’t see making these types of competitions an ongoing part of my lifestyle or fitness routine. Because it just didn’t feel like me and then also, the fear I had of going onstage and the sense of relief I had when it was all over was palpable. I have never felt that way about any race I’ve done. Not once, no matter how tough, ever.
But I did learn some interesting lessons through it all - about getting out of your comfort zone, for instance, which I think is good, but maybe only up to a point! About being careful with the goals you set and how many people you tell and how invested you get (monetary and otherwise), because you might end up feeling, much as I did, like you can’t turn back.
“A hell of my own making” I started calling it, in the last few weeks. And now it’s blissfully over, and even though my trainer is already talking enthusiastically about my “next show” in September, I know that I never have to do this ever again if I don’t want to.
As incredible as it all was, I think I may just stick to running because it’s about 10x more fun and 100x less difficult; just not nearly as extreme on almost every level, at least in my experience. I do love a challenge and I need to have fitness goals but I have now learned that such extremes just don’t work for me. I will let you know though, if my sometimes malleable opinions change by September!~
